Keeping the Faith in Hard Times
We don’t talk enough about giving up and the pressures we put on ourselves as we reclaim our bodies and our voices during the healing journey.
The path you are on to stand firmly in your sovereignty, to enter into healthy relationships and environments, to commit to choices that support your continued healing and thriving, is going to be a tough one.
You know this and I know this.
Sometimes, we wish we could reach that light at the end of the tunnel now, yesterday. Because staying in the faith of our power and our future is hard when we aren’t meeting with our desires, we are tripped by triggers, and those who hurt us don’t seem to experience any repercussions for their actions.
Did you know it takes an average of seven times for a victim to leave an abusive relationship? Now think about this: when it comes to New Years Resolutions it takes the average person 11 years to make a change — imagine if all those years were years spent battling for one’s safety, one’s survival, one’s sanity?
Beauty, the fact that you are on the path to healing is a victory. Celebrate your courage and your being.
No doubt, however, there are going to be times when you feel completely empty and spent of all your resources dealing with the ups and downs of trying to build a new life for yourself.
-You might think about going back to the old ways. the old relationship. the old (and false) comforts that were offered.
-You might think about finding a new space and/or a new relationship that are similar (but possibly healthier?) because that is what is familiar. That is what you know.
-You might think about giving up on it all, because, what is the point of all this? First, you were handed abuse and now you are handed further struggle trying to survive.
My love, please don’t quit.
Here are a few ways to stay focused and inspired when the process of healing gets really hard.
1. Keep post-it notes of encouragement everywhere.
Post them to the bathroom mirror, taped inside your desk drawer, drop them in your lunchbox (thanks mom)…Often, these notes are just what I need to refuel my spirit flame.
And, speaking of notes of encouragement, sign up for Esmé Wang’s free email series “Notes of Encouragement” here, reminders that "we are doing our own best work in encouraging ourselves.
2. Remind yourself of what YOU GET to gain when you stay on the path of healing.
For me, reaching my dreams in my career, meeting my money goals, staying in healthy relationships, not wavering on the boundaries I have drawn, staying committed to my visions for my path of healing and thriving mean: I GET TO have the capacity, financially and emotionally, to serve other women walking the path; I GET TO live a life of more FREEDOM, on my terms and no one else’s; and, most importantly, I GET TO wave a giant middle finger to my abusive, narcissistic, alcoholic ex. Even though 99% of me has no interest nor attachment to the path he is living, I will still derive a moment of satisfaction from handing his ass back to him.
3. Sign up for Poshmark and allow for their push notifications.
Ok, this one is a bit random, but seriously, I sometimes think Postmark IS secretly listening to my thoughts. They have these awesome digital cheers like, “You’ll figure it out,” and “Werk it. You look awesome today!" that randomly pop up on my phone right when my heart needs them. I think…I need to create an app like that.
You know I ALSO have your back during this really hard and overwhelming process too. Download the FREE I AM SAFE series worksheets. They will help you form habits and rituals for grounding and keeping the momentum during the tougher times of being a survivor.
Support is a HUGE contributing factor to keeping the faith in the life you want for yourself. Don’t give up. There is a world of survivors out there who've got you.
I’m one of them. Grab all the I AM SAFE resources for healing — including the latest ones - No. 10 - Developing a Practice - Treating Your Life As Art + No. 11 - New Year, New You?